Why I am not what i want to be in life

I am not what I always wanted to be in life.

I don't know what I really want in life too. I just want to have more this time. I want more this time. I don't wanna write also. But I want more. I want more very quickly.

Sometimes I feel it is late for me. That I cannot do it. That I am late.

But this is wrong. This thinking is wrong. I know many people who started late. Who had to start all over again. Who had started their life again. I don't wanna mention them here. I feel when they read they will not feel good. I am not alone. I am writing this to the world and I cannot just say anything I want. This is my blog but I cannot just say anything I want.

Motivation is for losers. Waited for motivation and I had done nothing. Needs make everything necessary to do in life. I am not motivated to do anything in life. But I need to do. I need to do now.

I have many things that I want in life that I need to do to get them. To have the probability to get what I really want now. I need to increase the probability. Hard work plus luck that's increasing the probability is what I need. Doing nothing is no hard work or no work plus decreasing the probability.

I am not getting what I want because I am not doing anything much. I am not doing enough to get what I want. I am only thinking and thinking and thinking.

I haven't done anything much  to get what I want.

Don't think I am being depressed. I am not depressed. I am just thinking too much. And lighting the fire to start. I am on a new path. I am on a new life. I am on a new start.

I need to be on new role now. I am starting now.

I am not being depressed but not ok with what I was doing. I am just trying to make things right. I am trying to get what I want.

I know people who are dying. Who are surely dying. I am also dying one day. Now or later no one is sure. I am not sure. I hope I live another minimum 60 years and with the advancement in science and technology and medicine I hope we all live beyond 90 years.

So my life has many roles for me to act. I cannot think I cannot start again.